How I Finally Took The Stress Out of Hosting The Holidays

Imagine this: you’re in the middle of prepping the Thanksgiving turkey when you realize you forgot to pick up the desserts. Half of your family is still asleep, no one’s made the guest bed for the relatives staying the night, and at that very moment, your aunts and uncles ring the doorbell.

Year after year, my holiday events seem to consist of putting out fires left and right, rather than spending time with my loved ones. I didn't want to be a stressed host for my Thanksgiving guests this year, so I prioritized being calm, and I kept this vision at the top of my mind.

Changing My Mindset

Being relaxed meant that I needed to accept that not everything would be perfect. This is nowhere near as easy as it sounds. Perfectionism is a big part of ADHD. We often feel the need to prove ourselves to others, so letting go of this feeling was perhaps the most challenging obstacle to overcome.

I needed to make a concerted effort to detach myself emotionally from the self-imposed pressure of perfectionism, which meant delegating specific tasks and having a more free-flowing attitude toward the organization of events.

"I didn't want to be stressed as a host for my Thanksgiving guests this year, so I prioritized being calm, and I kept this vision at the top of my mind." 

Were there times when I thought to myself, “If I don’t do everything myself, people won't think that I am capable”? Sure. To water these feelings down, I continually reminded myself of my goal: To be a more relaxed host. In turn, it changed my pattern of stress-inducing thoughts. This is how:

5 Steps That Made The Difference

1. Planning Ahead: A stress-free mindset meant going out of my way to do things ahead of time. In the week leading up to the event, I got all my to-do’s out of my head and onto paper. I set out to do things little by little so I could move at a relaxed pace. E.g., My grocery list, food shopping, and food prep.
2. Making Lists: Each morning, I reviewed my list, identified one or two tasks to tackle, and celebrated the ones I completed by checking them off. Having everything in one place helped me stay organized, reduce overwhelm, and boost my motivation by seeing my progress.
3. Delegating: By asking for help, you inherently leave things open to a margin of error. However, reminding yourself that this is necessary to improve your experience will help you make peace with the decision. Ask others to make certain dishes, help with errands, and take food home to spare fridge space. Make the experience a shared effort.
4. Flexible thinking: For example, my aunts, who live a couple of hours away usually prefer to arrive earlier in the day to avoid traffic. Every year, I worry about them showing up and dividing my attention at the busiest possible moment. This year, when they asked what time the earliest was that they could arrive, I took a deep breath and said, “Whatever works best for you.” 
5. Focusing on Gratitude: I made sure to notice all the things I was grateful for throughout the day: my wonderful family, that we’re fortunate enough to get along and be there for each other, and that my 88-year-old parents made it to dinner. Positive thoughts can cause a chemical reaction in the body to help us feel more content and relaxed. Don’t believe me? Try it.

Here’s the Whip Cream on the Pumpkin Pie.

Not only did I feel calm and enjoy my guests, but my oldest son took charge of cleaning up. I expected to mostly clean up by myself, and to my surprise, an evening that I set out to make less stressful ended with this extraordinary gift from him. Another wonderful thing to feel lucky for. All adding up to a Thanksgiving of peace, appreciation, love, and joy.

You got this!